you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize