the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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