woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
