I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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