I love black thongs
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
