i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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