I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
