don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I need a burrito and a hug.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
