One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
