beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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