Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
