these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
