I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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