With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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