Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
