oh god the rape fog is back!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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