I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
