You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
