You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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