loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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