I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
