nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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