Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
