We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize