Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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