if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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