first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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