I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
