I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize