i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
