Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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