I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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