The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
