Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
