Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
