I want to have your abortion
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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