That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
