her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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