u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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