every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
