I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
