i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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