Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
