If that was your dad, he is hot
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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