You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize