you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
