Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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