A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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