did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
