i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
