"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
