So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
