Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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