I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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