I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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