this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
