my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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