Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
