I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize