Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
