Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
