Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
