Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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