i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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