I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize