They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
