So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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