So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
