you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
