so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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