You smell like stripper and shame
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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