I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
my poor anus
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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