Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
