I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
