May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
