I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
