I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
