so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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