Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
