Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
