i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
