so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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