My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
