that's an acceptable place to lick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The beers last night were like the tears from god
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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