we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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