Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
