yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
