I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
