dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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