I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
