My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
we're so committed to being not committed
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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