so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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