I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's rum buckets o'clock
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
