and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
