Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize