shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
