I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
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That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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