id be glad to
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
