Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Randomize
