Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
