It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
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