WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
