she looked like the before picture.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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