you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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