I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
