Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
vagina is talking i cant
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's blow job season.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
