last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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