It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
