I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
