I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
