Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
