how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I think I died a long time ago.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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